Creating with friends.

This little box was created with my friend Dragonheart in her hidden studio at her house.  It needs some finishing work but the bones are so good.

The work is just not happening.  I started morning pages but the flow is not happening.  My own workspace is not working so to speak.  I need to clear up more cobwebs and let more sunshine into the corners of my mind. I try and I try, but it's just a little harder than it needs to be.

Looking at a picture of a creative piece is one way to be critical and see what's needed. A pop of color,maybe a n orange/red in the middle of the metal instead of the gold/brass.  Cover u p the word in the flower and have words added elsewhere.  It is way too monotone.

I wish Dragonheart was here this weekend.  She is out of state with her family.  I think of her daily and hope she knows how much she is loved here at home.  Only good wishes, hopes and prayers are being sent her way.

I miss all my creative friends.  We use to meet and work together but life has really kicked everyone's butt lately and we cannot seem to find the time to gather and share our creative process and joy.  If I ever have my own house I want to have an open salon time each week for anyone to come by and be part of a creative  energy.

I hope you all have a way to create, participate and enjoy the artistic life!

So long since I blogged

The house is mine for the morning.  He is gone for the weekend.  No, I don't believe he is telling the entire truth about what he will be doing but it really is none of my business anymore. 

So, with this time to reflect and actually relax a smidge, I turned to my laptop and to see if this blog was waiting.  And it was. 

House hunting, working full time, planning to teach workshops, helping my mother, being a volunteer for my community.  I keep busy. 

The decision to purchase a house instead of renting has made it take longer for me to move.  I really want this but the right place has not magically appeared.  Should I settle for something that may not be perfect?  Probably. I know if I move I am not going to want to move again.  I will stay whereever I land for a long time.

This is because I love my home.  I will miss it.  I am buying a house not a home.  I know, I know, I will have to make it my home. 

My dog is another issue.  Will Maya live with me?  He is home far more than I am but would that change when I move out?  Should we have visitation for her?  I know this is trivial but it is something I wonder about. 

Thoughts for a day.......

The blue turns yellow.

Well, I certainly was feeling sorry for myself yesterday.  But today is another day with the possibility of one good thing happening to bring a smile or a sliver of joy.  Its funny but I gave up most of the control of my life a long time ago but recently I feel that this roller coaster has no end and I am in an amusement park of wild rides and trickster hucksters. 

I need a full time job with benefits.  I don't need a lot of money just enough to pay bills and the occasional splurge.  I am willing to work hard and to the fullest of my capacity.  The journey I am on needs me to be independent of anyone else financially.  Those who know what is going on are shaking their head at my dilemma.  Those who don't know are shaking their heads at my foolish dialogue.  Why after all I am who I am.  Why should I need help from anyone to make anything happen.

Trying to break free from being married to Danny Brooks is not easy for me.  This has been my identity since I was seventeen.  Losing part of myself to the foolishness of life. 

Writing to write

It's been another day.  The darkness is developing in the cracks of time to engulf me with sadness.  I cried over my ice cream.  It went so quickly into a creamy broth that only brought tears to my eyes.  The welcome did not rise to make me feel warm with love.  I coveted the banana's smooth texture hoping to make a happiness in my mouth which might envelope me with a recognition of a time in which there were no great concerns over the future.  The certainity that time will be the friendliest of aquaintances to meet me each morning and kiss me on the forehead to wish me sweet dreams when I rest is gone and replaced with fear that I will crack into a million pieces and scatter into the oblivion of darkness.

Why you ask does this need to be written today.  I have screamed and fought with the ugliness today and it won this lap.  Hopefully tomorrow there will be a different outcome........

Random Picture and its Love

This is a picture taken of Buddy, my father-in-law, in 2006.  He is sitting in his den with his beloved dog, Trotter, and the remote control.  Trotter is a very protective dog.  This was probably taken while Danny was irritating him with an attempt to touch Buddy.  This picture was chosen randomly without seeing the image from a file containing pictures from our old hard drive that crashed.  The pictures were retrieved and are on my laptop now.

Buddy passed away last year.  He was one of the greatest male influences in my life.  If I ever needed help he was there for me.  Car break down, small plumbing problems, dog needs burying, he was the one who I called.  He loved his family and did everything he could to show his love.  I miss him so much.

At Sims the other day a friend of his who drank coffee and discussed politics shared some stories with me about his relationship with Buddy.  It brought tears to my eyes.  Every time someone brings him up I find myself fighting tears.  He was a constant every day presence in my life that has not been filled or forgotten.

I just hope that everyone has someone like him in their lives.

britht moon rising

This is a picture of the moon rising above the tree tops filtred through my toy camera app.  I love the rustiness of the picture.  The following is just a plane picture captured on my iphone.  It is amazing how dark it can be and how brightly the moon shines over the treetops.

I am looking for all the brightness I can find right now.  Working five or more hours six days a week is tiring in this heat.  I feel so frazzled and unable to make decisions regarding my life situation therefore it is is the same unchanged unhappiness day after day.  I know I have the ability to change this but I keep procrastinating and finding excuses to not make the telephone calls I need to make or do the paperwork that would start the process to end this free fall of an existence and become a whole person again.  I really need to figure out who I am.  I need a full time job with benefits.  I need to know where I am going to live and how much I need to down size this gargantuan life that is becoming a hoarder's dream.

Oh, how I hate the whine that I have written to be read by any passing witness.  Part of my unhappiness is feeling I am lying to most of the people I know about my life.  But the person who is responsible for  telling their story is not letting the story be known.  Too cryptic?  Then don't read further postings until the sun shines brightly but without the burning heat of the parched desert and rains bring an oasis to the land.

Feathers of the morning

Found my first Cardinal feather this morning.  There are always lots of  crow, dove and assorted gray feathers.  I also find the occasional blue jay feather with its beautiful blue sheen but the red of the Cardinal has not been dropped.

The family is always afraid the cat is going to get a bird when it comes to the bird bath or feeder.  I don't think  the cat is stealthy or quick enough to get the birds.  They need to be on the look out for the hawk that sometimes swoops into the yard and scatters the littler birds to the safety of the trees.

I found these feathers when I was watering this morning.  One of the perks of the morning.