Wanting to rise above myself in 2011.

I am not going to call myself old this year.  It was a trend I started , calling myself "An Old Fat Woman".  I started this because I thought it would let others know I understood that I am overweight (obese) and have reached menopause.  I wanted to downplay the aesthetics of my appearance and have more consideration of my creative abilities.  I turned 53 in 2010.  I reached a milestone in my weight (not willing to share but it is considerable).  My menstrual cycle stopped three years ago.  The art seemed the only thing I had going for me.

This wanting to denigrate myself has not been good for my soul.  This was a terrible year in its own right.  A very special person passed away and left a big hole in our family.  Trying to deal with this loss left a lot of raw emotions chaotically influencing decisions.  I have not been kind to others.  I have manipulated to lessen my obligations.  In order to rekindle my life as a positive force I need to make changes.

I am not foolish.  I understand it will take daily dedication to come closer to who I want to be.  Small decisions each day to be kinder, less judgemental, more loving, and the dreaded counting calories.  Exercise in some way each day will be a big part of this change. Julia Cameron advises a daily walk to help with creative flow.  The plan for these changes is in progress. 

I do not need nor require positive responses from anyone for this to happen.  I do it for myself so I can be a better person to others.  Therefore it is a selfish desire and not worthy of affirmation.  If you read the entirety of this post please know that I may be slightly depressed but not chronically nor in the need of intervention.  These thoughts needed to be thought and processed and I chose this avenue.  I am still the friend, artist, loved one, that you've known.  Hopefully in 2010 I will be a better version of myself.

I hope everyone has a safe celebration tonight and a great start to the new year.

Peace and Joy!

Thinking

When I started blogging I wanted a way to express my self through words and visuals.  This has been harder than I thought.  I started eagerly writing away each day and then I found the stat button and I started worrying about what the reader thought about what I wrote.  This caused me to try to be witty or to try and not mention things that would be about people who might read the blog and be hurt or to feel not included if I didn't write about them.  This past year has been a bad one as far as I am concerned.  I will be happy to see it gone and to be able to look forward instead of dreading what else may come.  I know that I should see each day's opporutunities unuque to them selves but there have been so many bad moments I will always connect to 2010 I want it over.  So with all that said things may change or not change with the way I write.  I just know that I have not been able to blog through the prep for christmas.  It is a hard holiday for me.  I cannot point to why or say what I need to change.  It is what it is.  New Year has never been easy either because I cry each passing year for many reasons.  I don't think that will happen this year.  I am getting older and I do realize how precious each year is.  Parents getting older is not any easier.  I am not afraid of death and what happens to me but I do worry about not being joyous each day and appreciating what I am given to create.  The need to express myself may take a somber tone every now and then but i am pushing for joy and happiness even as I burn the toast, fall down, break a plate, arrive late, bury a pet, say no, deal with a flat tire, and everything that makes you frown.

Busy Busy Busy

I cannot believe its been so long since I posted.  Celebrating the holiday season is overwhelming for some of us.  Digging through the bins piled high in the garage storage to access the ones with the christmas decorations was a one day job.  Putting up the tree took a whole day.  The lights on the house did require that we clean up the bushes and fallen leaves in the front yard.  I also have all the regular duties required of an artistic housewife (I originally wrote working housewife but feel some may have a problem with my identifying as such since I do not have a full time outside the home paying job).  I painted my mother's kitchen and dining room a lovely sage green that really helps make it look homier than the sterile white we primed it with. I planned a day at the art school to do encaustic with an artist that has a busy schedule.  Private lessons are so rewarding. Took my mother-in-law to Maypearl for a christmas celebration at the Cowboy Bank.  Had some really good barbecue and was delighted to hear "Up on Rockytop" by the Zebra Strings, an elementary school age fiddle group from Grandview.  These are only a few of the activities that I was busy with since the last time I posted.

I did have time to do some small art projects for gifts.  One of my favorite was this bottle that I did for a neighbor.  I paired it with a votive candle that is wrapped in music and a small brass bird.  They look so ready for a new home as they nestle in the basket.

I am planning to do some larger encaustic pieces.  The boards have been prepared and are ready to be gessoed and waxed.  I have some ideas that I have been developing for a while that need a larger canvas to execute.  Hope I have something to share in the next week.  In the meantime I will sneak a few minutes each day in my work space for the small pieces that help the door to stay open and the well full.

 Feliz Navidad!

Memories with my daughter.

Started moving my living room decor to make room for the tree on Sunday morning.  My husband was gone hunting and it seemed like the right time.  I started watching the White Rock Marathon coverage to see if I might get a glimpse of my daughter who was running the half and I started to cry.  I jumped up and got dressed and drove to Dallas.  I was lucky to get her friend on the phone and she directed me where to go on the trail to see my daughter.  The evening before we had talked about me not wanting to be there because I am such a wimp in the cold and it was supposed to be very cold but I could not stand to not be there and witness her triumph over running.  I know 13.1 miles may not seem like a lot but believe me if you have not run that far you have no idea.  My daughter is inspiring.  She has lot weight and started an exercise regimen that makes me groan. 

I surprised my daughter  when I was there with her friends cheering her on.  She threw her gloves at me and I retrieved them for her.  When I saw her after the run she said she was so happy to have a way to get rid of them without worry because they had been bothering her.  Its nice to be needed by a grown daughter even when she is the one who shows the strength to be incredible. 

Needless to say the tree did not get put up since I spent the rest of the day in Dallas eating lunch with my daughter and her friends and then hitting the antique stores I love to shop.  Its like a lost a day but gained an unforgettable memory. 

Today I am going to my mom's in the morning and then I will see if I can get the tree up in the afternoon or at least do something toward the christmas decorating.  I do have gifts for several people on my list.  I generally am a last minute shoppe so I am not worried.  Its the decorating that trips me up.

I hope everyone is as lucky as I am and gets to make some memories this season that will stand out and keep their hearts warm forever.

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Kudra got her groove back?

It felt really nice yesterday to get several hours in the work zone to put some ideas to fruition.  I also sorted through some found objects and made a piece on the run without over thinking.  These may not be my best pieces but they are starting the stream flowing and allowing more ideas to become real .  I was really feeling blocked the last few weeks.  The physical exhaustion was not allowing me to think of anything but the task at hand and then when I stopped I only wanted to rest.  I have struggled to stay up until 9:00 o'clock since the time change and then putting in all day at a rental property was not helping.

I moved some supplies around and maybe that will help me work.  I would really like to work on my creative voice that distinguishes my art as mine.  I also want to use some different colors to tweak my work.  What I am trying to say is "I WANT TO MAKE SOME ART!"

Reading through this post it appears that the use of "I" is happening.  There is a concerted effort in the last sentence to do away the personal pronoun.  But these are may thoughts and its not going to work if there is no reference to myself in the first person. 

All the creative blogs I read are buzzing about Christmas.  I love the season but hate the commercial aspect.  The worry over finances, time management and the labor which in my household falls directly on my shoulders are reasons to become irritable.  This year is going to be much more laid back.  Things may not get done or they may.  The first task is lights on the house.  The glow of lights defining the silhouette of houses is one of my personal joys.  I usually wait and do that last and most years it doesn't get done.  One of the reasons is that the bushes need trimming and I feel that needs to be done before the lights go up.  This is one of my problems with house cleaning.  As I clean I feel the need to change the decor and it becomes a mammoth task instead of simple.  I have to change everything in the living room, including some moving of furniture to accommodate the tree.

The big family computer has crashed.  We all have laptops but we never setup our printer to be wireless.  There are also a lot pictures, forms and information that was not saved.  It has been sitting silent since Thanksgiving morning.  My husband started the road to doing something about the computer but has found he has less time to himself now that he is retired.  He is fielding phone calls about business opportunities all day.  There are also a lot of phone calls regarding our need for insurance, changing our cell phone services, setting up corporations, bank accounts, etc.......  Somehow the computer will probably become my responsibility.  Should I just take control or wait for direction?

Which orientation is the best?

I do a lot of abstract work and sometimes I lose perspective of up and down or right and left. Then I have to choose the orientation that works best for the piece. This is sometimes hard to do because I have vested myself into the work and certain parts of the work. The best thing to do is to set it aside and rotate it every day until I settle on one. I had one piece that I wired to hang both horizontally and vertically becuase I wanted the owner to have the versatility of changing the orientation.

This piece is one that I have been thinking about in the same way. I designed it one way but am not sure that a differnt rotation would benefit the piece.  Do you as the viewer have a preference?  This is an encaustic painting without any bells and whistles.  Just simple curves and soft colors except for the red winding through the piece.  I have been putting a lot of red ribbon images in my work. 

Thanksgiving is next week.

I will be hosting the Thanksgiving meal for our family. I have been very busy this year and have not done any decorating for this holiday even though I love the colors and textures of fall. Russets, browns, olive greens, oh my. They are so lovely. Last year I seemed to have lots of time and had lots of autumn in my home. This year not a thing has been added. The problem is do I try to celebrate fall or do I wait and rush into winter?

I have a long list of things to do today. Pinning down all the dishes that are being brought. Making grocery list and then purchasing same. Cleaning house (specifically getting all the dust motes out from under the furniture and the corners. Checking on the rental property and possibly going to hardware store for the last remaining items that are needed. Bathing the dog ( a must to help her with her itchiness). Stopping by my Mom's and checking out her new ceiling in the large bedroom. So you can see it is lining up to be very busy.


At least I do not have to gather materials in the woods like the lovely pilgrim in the posting. I found her image on a wonderful site by graphicsfairy.blogspot.com. I also follow her blog so you can find it in my blogroll. She has accumulated a delightful assortment of images that she graciously shares for craft and art purposes.

My encaustic workshop was great. It is so much fun to help artists learn a new technique and see the way they interpret the material. I love meeting creative people and sharing ideas. I just need to remember to take pictures. Maybe one day I will be relaxed enough to snap a few quick pictures of some of the layout and process.

It seems my personal life may be quieting down. Hopefully!!! Some resolutions took place this week. I know I must be maturing because I am able to move on with my life and not get mired down in petty small feelings.

"When I say that I'm okay
Well, they look at me kinda strange."
John Lennon

Have to get ready.

Hey, I have had a very busy week. Really working hard at the rent house getting ready for the new tenant. Big jobs for me are over. Will get carpet in Monday so hoping to finish trim work and finish paint touch ups. Thanksgiving will have a very big thanks for finishing this job.

My husband's retirement took effect this week with a very nice dinner at the "Reata" in Sundance Square in Fort Worth. The food was great and the company was nice. There were a lot of stories about friends and foes.

I have students for my workshop this Saturday. Will need to make up encaustic medium and find some interesting visuals for the holiday season. Can't wait to be engrossed in an afternoon of creative work.



My table at home is full of jewelry components. I want to make some pieces for gifts. Looks like I will be busy until Christmas.

This is an informative post without a lot of personal reflection. The small crisis I am currently going through has not resolved and I am not comfortable discussing it in such a public forum. Hopefully this posting may get through the writers block caused by this dilemma. Do readers really want to know personal or the process? Will take more pictures of the process when I get back in the studio regularly and start producing the stuff of dreams.

The glue that binds and the scratches that create character.

This is the altered book page that I started last night. Love the girl not so much the rest of the page. Could not find the words that I needed. Two of us could not quite get in the groove. Realized afterwards there was no music. Sometimes music is a great help in connecting with the parts of the brain that let the muse talk to you and work your creative mojo. The great thing is I can paint, glue and otherwise continue to work on this book until I get it exactly where I want it to go.



This is another girl that I wanted in the book. Love the intensity in her face. Scratched some detail in her but think she wants more. Once again felt the look but could not put into words what I wanted to say. Need some different resources.

These are not meant to be fine art but a way to tap into emotion and open up my bigger (is it pretentious to say more important) art. Right now with the stress of houses, jobs, and dare I say politics, family and the ever looming holiday season I am not doing the art I want to do. Doing smaller work leaps into the bigger work for me. I am having some larger cradled boards prepared to do encaustic. Can't wait to get them and heat up some wax. Talked with another artist who is doing some small work as background to her jewelry pieces. Makes me want to steal her ideas. Someone told me that all art is plagiarism and the idea of proprietary ownership of ideas is ridiculous. Not sure how I feel about that but I do know I have a great deal of trouble exactly replicating any piece I do.

"Let me be when I am weary, just a little bit more cheery." Glen Campbell

Happiness and Art

The banner of this blog says that creativity brings me happiness and joy. I need to remind myself of this more often and live the life I need. I am not saying to stop washing dishes, sweeping the floor, responding to loved ones needs. I am saying to be sure and make time for the creative process and not wait for it to knock on the door. Marc Chagall paints happiness better than any artist I know. The painting above makes me want to experience the lightness of being that would allow me to drift over the world with my responsibilities keeping me from totally flying off into the dark blue sky.

I hope you read the article that I linked to on my facebook page. I became frustrated trying to link this blog to my facebook page and clicked away from trying. Viewing art brings a lot of good feelings. Joy, happiness, wonder and desire to create being the best. I have a favorite gallery that I go to just because the art is so fascinating to look at. When I go with friends I am never satisfied because I feel rushed to finish my walk through on their time instead of my own. I admit that I like the singular lifestyle of the individual artist. Don't get me wrong there is a lot of happiness and camaraderie when artists get together and work in the same room or together on the same piece but the true joy of being totally engrossed in a work is the apex of making art.

I hope you find your moment of happiness today and cherish it enough to try and make it happen every day. Love for everyone who reads these postings and a wish for a great day.

Public discussion does not promote tranquility, at least for me.

I spent yesterday trying to make my very personal opinion matter in a very public forum. Facebook posting to someones wall posting is not conducive to having a discussion on a serious matter. I have learned a valuable lesson. In starting down this road I made light hearted comments and was chastised for my ineffectual thinking which did not set lightly with me and thus followed a series of statements from me that were not well received and thus rudely commented upon. Oh well, we live and learn, hopefully from our mistakes. I do not apologize for being who I am, I apologize for thinking that others actually think about me as a person and not a series of characters typed in a matter that they disagree with.

Living in a very christian dominated right wing conservative state is hard sometimes for a progressive bleeding heart liberal like myself. I disagree with the combination of religion and politics in my community, my state and my country. I have spent a lot of time with christians who do nothing for their community but go to church and complain. I wanted to laugh when the WWJD bracelets were so popular. They replaced the cross as a symbol for peoples label of a good person. Evidently the message was lost because not a lot changed in how people treated other people.

Oh well, what a rant this morning in a blog that is supposed to be about art and not about my personal beliefs but sometimes the fingers got to do what the fingers got to do. And right now they need to be removing wallpaper and preparing for a new paint job. Home Depot will be seeing me today with the company checkbook in hand.

"All I can be is me- whoever that is. " Bob Dylan

Hill Country Tripping......

I spent the weekend in the beautiful Hill Country town of Wimberley, Texas. It is the location for "Market Days" a Saturday flea market, swap meet, music palooza. The weather was great. The sun was shining but it was cool in the shade. It's not around the corner so to speak. It took us five hours to get there but that was plenty of breaks for the wonders of the road (Collin Street Bakery scones). I bought a few small wonderful things. Gerber girl dolls, rhinestone buttons, a vintage florist frog, and other stuff. Saw a lot of things that I would like to try. I am going to have to break out the glitter and glue and beautify a bunch of ugly stuff. Soldering skills are going to improve after trying a lot of things. I'm also thinking of changing my Christmas decor from tradiontal red and greed to grey and silver.

I traveled with my good friend "Dragonheart" from the Wed. night art group. I am so appreciative of her driving and arranging rooms for the night with friends. We stayed at a lovely home on the Blanco River. There were deer everywhere, even near the back patio and at dusk the racoons came visiting. We could listen to the rushing water over the small falls and drink wine or hot chocolate and relax. The home itself was worth the trip. It was filled with original art, family photos, blue transferware, and other antiques. The owner had also stenciled surprises in each room. So thankful she shared her home with us. Our hosts treated us to a lovely meal at a local restaurant that had two talented young women providing live music on the porch.



The cool days of autumn are finally here in north Texas. I'm now going to have to prepare for my husband's retirement and the upcoming holidays. It will be a season of rejoicing with a tinge of sadness. We all miss my father-in-law and his good cheer. It will be tough to eat a turkey he did not carve. But life is about change and he would laugh if we did not enjoy being alive and the happiness we can endure.

Time to change...

This is the fence between my backyard and the pasture. Perspective is everything. From my patio this fence looks straight and there are buildings, bushes, dead sunflowers and other objects just a few feet from it. In this photo it looks very serene and calm. A sturdy man made thing to delineate one side from another. The shade of the tree looks inviting. Its so sad that some of us have fences in our minds that keep us from understanding and accepting the other side of the fence.

Today is election day and I hope everyone votes. Those of you who truly know me will know how I vote, the others can guess, but I truly am an old peace loving socialist hippy. I imagine it will not be that hard to see that I love both sides of the fence. The chaotic living and the serene downtime. The selfish what about me and the what can I do for you. The hipster hoodies and the woolen sweater. The I need all my money and the can you use a dollar. The SUV and the Mini. The vodka and the tea. The list goes on and on.




This week is a work work work week. Its Tuesday and I'm already tired and my feet hurt. The darkness of the morning is not helping me to start early. Time change is this weekend which will help to get started but make it harder to keep going in the evening. A lot of electricity is going to be used. I believe in conservation but if my house is dark I'm going to bed. The lights need to be on before its dark for me to continue anything into the late evening (9:00). If I am going to be creative I am going to have to squeeze it into the day. Small bits of time just for me. I have some incredible opportunities in front of me.

Small pieces are so much fun! You can let your creative spirit fly without worrying about cost if you mess up. This piece is 6"x6". It was an experiment that didn't work so I over fused, covered with amber shellac and gold mica then lit it on fire. It has a really nice feel to it. Rich and mysterious. I am really wanting to go big but it is such a committment in materials that I do a stutter step each time I look at the bigger panels. I need to sketch, sketch and then sketch again to come up with solid starting points to gain the confidence to just do it.

This is Sunday night. It will be two weeks yesterday since I took my truck to have the tire and wheel replaced. They had to come from Ohio. Evidently the previous owner of my truck had very exclusive tastes when it comes to tires. I knew they were gorgeous but had no idea they were impossible to replace.

A peek into the studio.

I am sharing images from my one of my work spaces. I have set up an area to do encaustic and found object assemblage. This small shelf is getting a little crowded with items that need to be used instead of sitting in the studio/garage. Some of these items were truly found. On the street, at an estate sale, under an old house, lots of places if you keep your eyes open to possibilities.



Another picture showing things I love, books an tins. I love vintage and just down and out old tins. Some of these need to moved into the house an used as containers for wonderful small collections. I have soooooo many old books. Love to use the pages as backgrounds and the dictionaries are great sources for small pictures and words for jewelry and small pieces. The little snowman peeking out of the basket will be coming into to the house soon and helping to celebrate the holiday season.



This is my attempt to be organized. It has helped to have a lot of my small items grouped in these plastic bins. It is not however very appealing aesthetically. But the ability to pull out a bin, search, pull out another, search, pull out another, search is priceless.

Hope you have enjoyed these spots in my studio/garage. I was afraid of long range pictures because they are so chaotic. I am a pull, use or place aside kind of artist. The top of my work tables are always a mess. I clean before I work not after.

Mine is the sunlight, mine is the morning. Cat Stevens

Movies, movies, movies!!!!

A great movie about John Lennon. Loved him, wished Paul had been cuter. This is a great trailer which delivers some of the emotion of the movie, although the real story being told is about his relationship with his aunt and mother. It does tell the story of how he came to be a musician and his meeting Paul and George. Highly recommend this movie,



My son picked this movie and I was interested. The trailer does not give an accurate feel for this movie and its contents. I liked the movie but after the startling beginning moves very slowly and calmly to its end. All the characters are very good people quietly trying to find their way. It is a good story and I loved the french being spoken(subtitles let you know what is being said). I am not sure if this movie produced and directed by Clint Eastwood is good or bad. I never felt like leaving but I was very conscience of time passing. It is about 70 minutes long. The ending felt contrived. If you believe in the life death experience this is a movie you will enjoy. This is not a thriller, scary, action packed movie. It is soft spoken statement about personal beliefs in life after death and someone's ability to live with a psychic ability to bridge that gulf. If you love Matt for Bourne Identity do not see this movie.

Delay in posting.

Sorry its been so long between posts. Every time I sat down to write, the phone would ring and it would be some small emergency. I won't bore anyone with details but it always required me leaving the house, making several phone calls and spending money. So I now sit apprehensively waiting for another shoe to fall.


Finally got the blade changed on my saw. It took finding the manual online to figure out how to replace it. Mechanical devices can be so complicated. I have cut several pieces of lumber to use in some encaustic pieces. They were cut at random without measuring.


Hopefully, I will be able to produce some work that makes me happy. Those are pieces that seem to resonate with my audience.



"Nowhere man please listen."

Second Place or in the middle?

This piece took second place in the mini show of my local art group. It was displayed with a differnt orientation so the ribbon was on its side. Laughingly said I would have to go bigger to win. If you win you have to sit out a meeting and you get twenty-five dollars for art supplies. I think its better to not win and keep showing work although the money is not to be sneezed at. This piece is 12"x12" encaustic on a cradled wood substrate. It has multiple layers of depth using a primer of alcohol inks and oil paints between layers of wax. I then placed the ribbon of red in an inscribed line, scraping the surface to reveal its fluid motion. The white was stenciled and brushed on last to keep some texture.



Had dinner Wednesday with my artist friends. We drew Day of the Dead Skulls. This was the keeper after several versions that mostly looked like aliens. I love the eyes with the surprised look to the side. I did have trouble with the mouth. It probably needs more but I tend to be very simple in my designs and have left it alone. It was a fun excercise in fantasy drawing. I also enjoyed the converstation and relaxation.


After I finish this post I need to get dressed and to finish the floor in my mother's house. We pulled up really nasty carpet to reveal nice wood floors. There was however this awful black foam padding that had been stapled to the floor. So after three days of removing quarter round, removing carpet, removing padding, removing staples, removing tack strips, replacing quarter round we can now see what we can do to clean and finish the floor. So much better than the stinky nasty carpet even after all the hard work. Now if we could do something about the ceiling it would be a wonderful room. I just don't have enough upper body strenth to hold panels over my head. We will have to call in the guys for that task.

Can I hang it and say complete?

I have worked and worked this piece. Tried techniques that failed. One was using clay ball to create craters. Hard to dig the stuff out. I tried to fuse with sunshine on a very hot day. This was not good for an easily distracted person who left the wax out too long and it went molten. Then just raked across it randomly, creating gouges. Covered the whole thing with wax and then started scraping. Have received interesting comments regarding where it is today. Do you have some pieces that just can't be finished to your satisfaction? The problem with wax is there are about twenty layers of encaustic on this thing. I have too much invested to just put away. Or is it just hopeless to think every piece can be pulled together?

I left my digital camera in my truck and my truck is in the shop. I stupidly hit a curb, ruined my wheel and tire, and possibly something else. The body shop has to look at it for several days to diagnose and let me know what needs to be done. I am taking pictures with my phone. They are not bad but I would rather use the digital.


My phone does have cool apps to filter pictures and make them more interesting but you don't want to do that with art that you are trying to make public. Your dog and friends however can look so much more interesting.

The encaustic workshop did not make so I had time to kill today. It was so nice because everyone left to do other things and I had the house to myself. I watched a very intersting movie called "The Bloom Brothers". I am not a big fan of Adrien Brody but I love Mark Ruffalo. Enjoyed sitting still in the middle of the day with my dog in my lap. I also had to admit that fall is here and summer blooms are fading away. There is work to be done to clean up all the pots and get some fall color with mums.

I found the book that I had been looking for. It is an architectural design book with a lot of interesting profiles. When I was looking for it I knew exactly what I needed and was sure it was in the book. Now that it is found I'm not so sure. I have an ecaustic piece with a background from a picture I took in New York from the Empire State Building. I wanted to draw a man's business profile to be outlined in wax superimposed over the picture. Now I think I need to do something else. Maybe it will come to me as I fall asleep.

I'm still feeling the need to use Paul Klee as inspiration. The simplicity of his work with the power to send a message is what I would like to accomplish. I should have melted wax and gone for it but it did not happen today. Now, will I be selfish and do something creative or will I be nurturing and spend the day taking care of others needs? You never know how a day will turn. Maybe, I can do both.

It was John Lennons birthday recently and that made me think about the Strawberry Fields in Central Park and New York. He was so creative and followed his own path. He died young but he had done the things he was called to do. I jokingly tell everyone that I could die right now and it would all be okay. I have lived a good and full life. I still have a lot to say (definitely) and do (okay a lot of housework because you know that's how a woman is judged).

Okay, I know I ramble and am not cohesive in my posting. I am hoping that some sort of discipline will kick in and I will be more controlled in my thoughts when typing. There is just something that makes me want to let my fingers do the talking. Should I just mention a movie without talking plot? Can I just make a random statement withou details or how it affects other statements? Do I need to have a hurrah moment at the end of the post that ties everything together and makes the reader feel safe reading and not have to make connections for themselves. Am I trying to start conversations or feed information to a conversation?

Some people have actually read my posts and for that I am thankful. I have been in the habit of doing "morning pages" per Julia Cameron. That excercise is about filling three pages with thoughts to clear the path for creativity. This in no way fulfil that definition but the process had created this ramdom writing. I hope my readers will bear with me or give up and read more comprehensive blogs full of sunshine, poppies and bluebirds. ( I just have to be a little sarcastic every now and then...)

Peace, joy and happiness!

An unnecessary rusty lock.

Sometimes I feel like I'm doing things for the greater good of the world. Being an upstanding citizen by recycling, contributing my time and funds to worthy charitable causes, helping my family in ways that I am able. But then there are days I wake up and it is so much easier to throw the trash away instead of sorting and carrying it where it needs to be disposed of and being selfish with my time doing things that only make me happy and curb the freedoms of others. Still haven't decided what today will be. I have to take my mother grocery shopping this morning. She doesn't drive right now (may not ever drive again). This is not a choice unless I want to be hurtful to her. She would say that's okay. We can do it some other day. I can make do with what I have (peanut butter and crackers). Could I live with myself? The answer is no. I am not that selfish. I was selfish enough to not visit her yesterday and check to make sure she was okay. I visit her six days a week. Does anyone else visit? One of her granddaughters has visited twice since my mom moved back to our town. Is my mom living the life she caused herself by the decisions she made? Yes, most definitely. I am the person I need to be which includes thinking of others even if they are not who I want them to be or were who I needed them to be in the past.

The picture at the top of this post is my mothers front gate. A lock attached to the gate that in no way ensures security but has rusted in place. I love the look of this little lock and think that if the house ever gets sold could I take the gate. It represents for me the inability for me to secure my heart against transgressions (real or imagined) from my family. Hurts hurt. I do not hold anything against anyone for safeguarding their feelings. I just hope that in trying to keep your heart safe you are also not keeping your need to do good things also a prisoner. I also think you can get hurt when you least expect it, some small thing gets between the barriers and bam, you are down for the count....at least for a little while and then things get better.

This has been a most eye opening post for me. Surprises. When you start to write you never know where you might be led. I had stated that I wanted this blog to be about my artistic life but for some reason I am caught in the struggles of my personal life and my creative life is going well. I am instructing encaustic workshops the third Saturday of the months of fall. My art is selling in the local gallery. I am not blocked from creating. The hopelessness lies in my extended family. I know that I will push through and there will be good days and bad days. I also know that I have the power to try and make every day a good day.

This is how I feel this morning. My ankle started hurting yesterday. All the walking from the local festival and the state fair have not been kind. I will be taking it easy for a day or two. Maybe spending time in the studio/garage will be the answer to healing.

I love reading blogs and being inspired creatively by others. The ones I read are mostly by women. The list is very eclectic. Jewelry, fabric, and fine artists are all on the list. Then there are the junkers and re-doers. I love them all. Time flies and I find I have used up all my allotted computer time and left little time for my own blogging. I might get better at this if I started here first. I also feel guilty if I am inspired by another artists work. I always think if only I had spent more time creating I might have gotten here on my own without a short cut inspiration from someone else. Do any other artists/craftsmen feel that way?



Doing is way better than not doing and I feel sometimes I am truly unique in approaches to art. Because I am not a traditional realism artist I don't copy images in another medium but reinterpret the idea of the image with random materials. When i am take a lighthearted approach to playing my stuff/art just happens with joy. When I have the task of creating it is drudge work and just doesn't seem to make be cohesive. Does this make any sense to anyone but me?

Girls just want to have fun.....

selling artwork, does it bring happiness or loss?

SOLD!!!!

It is so hard to let go of my artwork. I like that some of it is in a gallery and has the possibility of selling but when informed that a certain piece sells I hurt a little bit. A piece of me is out in the world without me to care for it. Someone liked it enought to purchase but, will they care for it in a year or two. What if something happens to them and someone else has the responsibility of their life? But, if I kept everything it would only be crowded or possibly stored and forgotten. Having it out in the world is the best option.

I wish I could get the exact look I want for this blog. I really need to work on the images. They look washed out and not dramatic enough for me. I liked the formating but it needs tweeking. Really wish I had more time to spend on this and get it just right.

I have so much to do on the business side of life (not art). Will be on the run for a solid week with the promise of a month of go, go, go. My life is changing with my family in ways I wouldn't have imagined a year ago. Loss and moves...... I wish I had a better understanding of the way most people think. I find that I am very right brained and do not make decisions like most of the people I know. This causes a lot of strain in personal relationships. I hope that I am being the best person I can be under the circumstances. And really,,,, everyone I love to vent and express myself. Things need to be said and done to get on with life and move on to another subject.



Going to the State Fair today to celebrate my 36th anniversary! I do so love my husband and thank him for putting up with me and my craziness.

Tired body does not equal tired mind.

Yard work was the only thing I did yesterday. My mother's yard, which is small but has not been maintained properly. I took out a patch of major johnson grass in her backyard. Pulled what would come out and cut down the rest. I was majorly cautious because the last time I did her yard I came away with a major case of poison oak. Still puffy from the prednisone treatment. So I was covered quite completely and tried not to touch anything I didn't know. This made it a little slower process. I am hoping that with continued maintenance whatever caused the outbreak will die and go away. So far this morning no itching and redness.

The other yard was a rental property that was out of control. My tenant is a single mother and is moving out. She has had a rough year. I have to apologize for the way this yard looked. I also did not realize how bad the stickers are in the front yard. In two years they have overtaken the front yard. Will have to do some major weed control in the next year. If anyone knows any tricks to get rid of the demon seeds please let me know.

Now to the good stuff. The above photo is from the stuff my father-in-law kept out at the barn. It look better in person and probably would have looked better taken with a better camera. The Enclave (my wed. group) had a project to take a cheap throw away camera and take a series of pictures around a personal theme. Mine was "Abandoned and Forgotten". I took a lot of pictures of items out at the barn and in the pasture.
I love where I live which is good because we have lived here for thirty-one years. Its in a mid-size town (it was small when I was growing up). We are at most thirty minutes away from really good restaurants, art house movie theaters, museums, galleries, and the other good stuff in life, but when I walk out my back door i look at a small pasture and a railroad track. Yes my front yard is on a very busy street and lots of people pass my house daily. But the backyard has a huge pecan tree! I can't see my neighbors, although sometimes I hear them. I love where I live, however, I have been thinking I would like to move closer to all those things I mentioned before. The good stuff.

The smudge of charcoal.

Did this charcoal portrait in an art group workshop a couple of weeks ago. I like the eerie cadaver look of the gentleman. That is to say it looks nothing like the inspiration piece. But I am proud that you can say its a man. Drawing is not something I usually take the patience to accomplish.

My avant garde art group wanted to try the technique of laying a layer of charcoal and then lifting the image with a kneaded eraser. Most of the gang came over and played with charcoal. I am always amazed by the talent of this group. They have the tenacity to really work with the medium and perservere until they get the image they want. Last night I was displaying my ususal ADD and wanted to get through quickly.

I really like this last piece. My more organized class has issued a challenge regarding negative space. I'm not sure this what they had in mind but I feel it portrays the spirit of the negative. It is inspired by the work of Paul Klee. I may have to borrow this graphic for an encaustic piece.



I am so grateful that I have such good friends and they are a part of my life and artistic journey. The laughter and the love are a core ingredient to what makes us come back week after after but we are all brought together with a need to make art and be creative. And when I say make art, I mean art without limitations as to what art is. We accept the individual and the group creative work as art without judgement.

WooHoo Its Wednesday!

I am busy straightening up my stuido/garage for this evening. I have a very close group of friends that assembles every Wednesday for some creative mojo. We will hopefully have a cool evening and be comfortable. I have added some lighting to help with the visual because we are all getting older and the eyes seemed to be extremely affected by aging.


This is picture of the fence in my backyard. I found these planters at an estate sale and fell in love with the patina and rust. This is one of a pair on either side of a bird feeder. Didn't like the angle with all the pieces so chose to highlight this one. The birds seem to have left the area. I need to take the hummingbird feeders down and clean them to store for the spring. The other feeders will stay up for the blue jays and cardinals to eat. Now that it is cooler we can also hang some suet feeders for the woodpeckers. Its not a boring backyard. And we can always bring in the squirrels for entertainment. We have rabbits coming out from under the new deck. I would love to get a picture but they seem very timid and bolt at the sound of the door. Maybe some evening when I can really relax and sit outside and wait for them to appear. Wouldn't that be lovely. To sit and relax. A person can only dream.

How to title posts?

This blogging thing still feels so raw. I've read so many but still feel confused about expressing my own voice. I know its redudant to always speak about the conflict between personal and public speech. So please be nice and I will try to muddle through another posting.

Do posts need titles? Do you read posts based on the title? Could I go out on a limb and be very creative with how to introduce you to a post and then go completely red herring and write about other things, like politics, religion, being a mother, being a daughter? Do I need to constrict my thoughts to art, creativity and the wonderful joy of putting random thoughts together into prose? Yeah, being a woman in my 50's doesn't mean I have all the answers. I read blogs where statements of declaration are screamed that the writer knows who they are and wants to share their belief in how we should live. If they don't have art that inspires me I am not insprired by their words. A little bit of skepticism goes a long way with me. The person who is questioning will draw me into their dialogue and make me think instead of blocking their position with stubborn refusal. Yeah, this posting is getting a little weird.

So I think I scared myself with the above and need to relax and chill which is easily done this morning with a low in the high 40's. Yes, its so easy to fall back into comfort mode and not be real with my reader. And it is so like me to say I'm not going to be personal and only be about the artist and then bang like a gong I'm writing about my inner thoughts and wonderments. But is this for the reader or the writer? If no one ever comes to this site and reads then its for me and I can try to use the freedom to dabble in perspective but that can be a diverse and often conflicting train of thoughts. Which is to say like my life every f;;;;;;ing day of the week.

Love to love ya!

A Wonderful Saturday with my Daughter

I love the promise of a new anything and a new week do experience it. Nice cool morning, waking to the dark, knowing a good start to achieve the promise of creative joy. But then I see this little rectangle machine looking for love and i sit down and caress its keys. hopefully i will not get lost for too long.




I tried to work yesterday on finishing a few small items. Needed to attach some kind of hanging system. I love old chain but not sure if everyone else feels the same. Decided one needs to sit like a chunk and not be hung.


Went to the Cottonwood Festival in Richardson on Saturday with my daughter. It was very crowded. I hope the artists sold well. I did not buy anything. My purse strings are pulled tight right now. There were several artists who did get my attention. I loved the colors that were being used, bright and cheerful. Lots of oranges, turquoise, and reds. The one encaustic artist was brilliant. Twenty-five layers of wax with multiple scrapings. Her colors were also wonderful. Forgot to ask if she mixed her own from pigment or cakes. She was very open about her process. Huge pieces from cradled boards made special for her. Loved them. She also had some fabric collage that was to die for. How I wish I was dedicated to the studio every day.

Also went to the arts thing in Bishop Arts District (sorry can't remember correct name for this event). Lots of girl things. My daughter was much more interested in this event. She purchased some bangles made from recycle records. The artist was quick to say he did not use cool music. Its funny, the need to reassure someone that something they value was not harmed. I wanted to buy but cold not commit. Did get cards. Still a lot of jewelry being made from dictionary pages, game pieces and other ephemera. I was drawn to the jewelry that is asymmetrical. Small event but lots of fun. Looked at the bikes, really liked a robin egg blue lady cruiser but would have to ride that thing to town every day for the price.

My daughter introduced me to Indian Food!!!! I really liked it. Spicy but not too much. So much flavor. Unfortunately it upset my stomach. I just have to say I felt sorry for my dog who likes to sleep under the covers. Poor baby.

I need to take pictures as I go through my day. Did not take a single picture of the amazing day that I spent with my daughter. Do I need to make up one of those darling initial things for her. Or should I use her name? Will need to consult with her I guess.


These postings are a bit rough. I am using them as fodder for opening the door to my creative impulses. If you read them think kindly and move along to your own joy.

Peace and Joy.